When I started this path some five years ago, I don't think I could have properly defined boundaries if I'd been asked to. And I for certain did not have them - not in the smallest tiniest bit. Running around and saying "People know not to fuck with me" while selectively letting people fuck with me in exchange for [insert all the things I felt I needed from other people] make not a healthy boundaried woman.
What I had was a habit of:
- Overextending myself and violating my no for other people's yeses.
- A body crammed with resentment.
- A mind constantly in motion to game and manipulate for what I wanted.
- A binder full of social contracts which were themselves full of promises of what I would be to other people and what I expected other people to be to me.
- A complete lack of respect of other people's boundaries.
- Self-abuse to compensate for violation upon violation.
- Not caring for the one person I was tasked in this lifetime to take care of.
- Not believing I was entitled to my no.
- NO SENSE OF SELF.
Oftentimes I will say that this work is the invitation to step foot on the path back to oneself. And this is, of course, true. But this work is also about the discovery of the flame that is you, and the acceptance of the invitation to protect that flame with every fiber of your being. In other words, this path is about accepting total and complete responsibility for your Self.
I found my Self as I was recording the lecture hitting on bits of rage as I spoke. I find that interesting because I am incredibly boundaried at this point. The rage is residual, it comes from the fact that for all of my life (and all the lifetimes that came before that) there was no sense of self, no level of worth to justify the protection of self. It is the spark of rage that reminds me that in order to be healthy, I have to mind it and where it stems from, and trust that it is telling me something important.
This isn't a lecture that is meant to make you feel incredibly comfortable. This is a lecture that will hopefully spark the same rage within you - because rage becomes passion, and passion becomes action, and action becomes compassion for yourself, and compassion for yourself extends to compassion for the world.
It is not a silly, small, little thing to set and uphold any and all boundaries. It is a thread that is sewn throughout your life and experience. It is the No you say to the dinner you don't want to attend, the man you don't want to date, the drink you don't want to drink, the explanation you don't want to give, the dinner you don't want to cook, the sex you don't want to have, the text message you don't want to return. There is no measure of a No, no one No is bigger than another. It is all the same, and it all adds up to one thing: You accepting the one task you were given upon your birth, which is to protect this one life you have.
In love and respect.
This month we are doing a simple visualization mantra. See audio here.
HOWEVER, I totally encourage you to do the October meditation as well (Sodarshan Chakra Kriya). Try it for forty days - I can tell you if I'd known how powerful doing this for forty days was and how much it would shift my life, I would have done it years ago.
Group Coaching Call.
<To be posted after call occurs.>